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Funny with Language Warning

May 22nd, 2007 at 08:04 am

If foul language bothers you, you might want to stop reading now.

If foul language can sometimes make you laugh, by all means continue!

I've been on the internet a long time, going on half my life now. Geez, how sad is that... Anyways, one thing that has always been consistent are

Text is trolls and Link is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_%28Internet%29
trolls. Usenet, Delphi, chat rooms, forums, MySpace, Digg, and beyond: none of them have ever been immune to trolls.

Well, earlier today I happened upon a useful classification tool for trolls based on the posts they make. I found it on
Text is http://www.venganza.org and Link is
http://www.venganza.org, home of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Regardless of your views of the CoFSM, I hope you find this tool useful.

* * * * *

Here’s Jingles’ masterpiece: the patented Fuckwit Finder.


1.Capitalized handle
2.Overuse of capslock
3.Alternating upper/lower case
4.Incorrect grammar
5.Incorrect spelling
6.Threats of burning in hell, divine vengeance, etc
7.Lowbrow insults
8.Lowbrow insults of our god
9.Accusations of homosexuality
10.Threats of rape, physical violence, oars, etc

One point per positive answer.


As for scoring, well, its a fairly loose guide. If borderline, class as appropriate. Otherwise;

0-2: A Wit; Intelligent, reasonable, polite and respectable. High likelihood of a reasoned belief system, and serves as a credit to the human race.

2-4: A Wit in a Fit; While they may normally be a decent poster, they are either irritated, excited, or otherwise unfocused, allowing slightly more than the occasional slip to occur.

4-6: A Nitwit; Likely seeking attention, may not necessarily mean to irritate, but is not aware of proper forum etiquette, and so comes across badly. With patient councilling, and the occasional application of a large blunt object, subject may be cured.

6-7: Dimwit; Not overly violent or aggressive, but is nevertheless a troll, an inbred hillbilly, or an above average-intelligence fundamentalist. They are on the absolue edge of redeemability. With extreme electroshock, elocation & deportment lessons, and substantial severe blunt-force trauma, could be upgraded to a nitwit.

7-8: A Twit; Annoying, loud, cannot use even simple words… what we have here is the Twit. Beyond redemption, these sorry excuses for humanity can be found primarily in years 7-9 of primary/secondary education, and behind the pulpit in Pentecostal churches. Avoid if possible. If unavoidable, bring a big stick. Thankfully, due to short attention spans, these specimens will generally depart after a single post.

8-9: The Shit; Sets out from the off to be an absolute monkey scrotum. Unable to take a hint, this is the sort of poster who will haunt a thread for as long as their attention span holds. While not a long term poster, they can clog a thread for up to an hour in severe cases. If encountered virtually, non-engagement is advised. If encountered physically, use a shotgun.

9-9.5: Mimic; what we have here is the stereotype troll. At first glance, will appear a complete fuckwit, however, closer inspection will reveal telltale hints that this is actually an educated poster (Nitwit or better) imitating the lower-order troll lifeform. Should they get annoying, utilising their real name will likely end the display.

10: The granddaddy of them all, the complet and utter Fuckwit; Few and far between, these few are talked about with hushed voices. Going down in forum legend, their names will be forever uttered as a byword for all things troll. Easily capable of devouring a website for weeks on end, any challenge makes them stronger, any attention makes them bolder. Be warned, for their sign is L337, their marker is spam. If encountered in multiple numbers, can murder a thread beyond salvage. This is the anti-Cheesus. Run while you still can.


7 Responses to “Funny with Language Warning”

  1. yummy64 Says:

    The really bad trolls I always answer "I'm now female" (at times I get a lot of hopeful men contacting me)

    Strangely they poof after that. I was female before too; and have always been but that answer seems to get rid of them nicely

  2. lieweheksie Says:

    rotfl- there seems to be no getting away from them...

  3. shadon Says:

    Very funny Smile
    I don't think I'd make a very good troll. I'm too pedantic on spelling and grammar. Being a bit of a perfectionist I might make a good Mimic but, thankfully, I have a life Smile

  4. Broken Arrow Says:

    Hey, I use capitalized handle. Are you trying to say something? Huh huh? Yeah, that's what I thought. Big Grin

    (Just kidding! Please don't hurt me. Wink)

    Haha, Yummy. That's not fair! I wish I could do that, but "dorky guy" just doesn't seem to have any effect. Big Grin

  5. tinapbeana Says:

    BA, if all you've got is a capped handle, you still qualify as "A Wit; Intelligent, reasonable, polite and respectable. High likelihood of a reasoned belief system, and serves as a credit to the human race."

    and while 'dorky guy' might not work, saying that your bits and pieces are healing up nicely after the surgery probably would *evil grin*

  6. Broken Arrow Says:

    You're just not right, Tina. Big Grin

  7. midlight21 Says:

    >Broken Arrow Says:

    >May 24th, 2007 at 06:26 am

    >You're just not right, Tina.

    In all the RIGHT ways!! Gotta luv ya!!

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