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Home > Martha Stewart Doesn't Live Here...

Martha Stewart Doesn't Live Here...

December 7th, 2006 at 04:23 am

This is me flipping off Martha Stewart, Trading Spaces, DIY, and every department store holiday window mock-up that has made me feel my tree is crap for the past several years.

You know what I'm talking about: big beautiful bushy trees with firmly attached needles and no bald spots. And decorations: do I even need to go into detail? Gorgeous sculpted imported from Umbosloveckia where they're hand-wrought by peasant children earning a decent wage to buy mom a new babushka for Christmas. Big, tasteful, beautiful ornaments. The kind that hang on the tree with a silky ribbon, not an el cheapo wire hanger.

Every year I see these trees and yearn for one of my own.

Every year I refuse to put the several hundred dollars into it, and every year I wind up secretly disappointed that I've fallen short of Martha's dream.

Well, pardon my French, but screw Martha Stewart!

When my husband asked when we were going to put up our tree, I silently sighed. Bluh. Another bluh tree... We bought a 6.5 ft pre-lit fakie tree 3 years ago, and it does the job. Not big and beautiful, mind you, and definitely doesn't smell good. And, as an aside, does anyone have a decent way to CLEAN a fakie tree short of vacuuming it? DH had never had a real tree, so I've bought one once (9 ft!) for our first Christmas together when we were dating. Ever since: el fake-o.

So there I was, staring at my piddly li'l 6.5 ft tree and my pile of decorations. Actually, they weren't all my decorations. See, when it came time to clean out the office right before the lay-off, my manager gave me all of my department's Christmas ornaments. So now I have a hodge-podge of my stuff, their stuff, and even some stuff I'm not really sure where it came from.

No way I can pull a Martha-tree off with this. There's more than one shade of red in that pile, for Pete's sake!

So, in a fit of holiday peevishness I decided to put a bunch of junk on my tree. By 'junk' I mean 4 stockings, 2 stuffed figures, plushy country-time ornaments, silver jingle-bells, and a Santa Hat. There's some other stuff on there, too, like my tasteful silver, gold, and frosted globes which clash ever so nicely with the red wooden feaux-berry garland.

Believe it or not, it ain't half bad!

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No, I don't have a 'Battle of the Bulge' ornament on my tree! Big Grin Appears I've been struck by the photo-upload bandit!
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13 Responses to “Martha Stewart Doesn't Live Here...”

  1. kealina Says:
    1165473461

    i think it's cute...you think 6.5 is puny? hah! our fakie tree (pre-lit too) is only 5 ft or so...
    i've never had a martha stewart tree either... i don't mind so much... if you really want a certain look, maybe you could slowly accumulate things that you and eventually make that tree you want... when i eventually figure out what color scheme i'd like I'm hoping to get off my behind and cross stitch a matching set of ornaments for us... haha... sure i will... right now we're still trying to figure it out between color combos like red/green/gold or blue/silver/purple or gold/silver/copper or who knows what...

    or you could try something different...my MIL likes to change it up so she never spents a lot but her tree does look pretty cool... last year she did a girly goth look... her tree was decorated with hot pink and black... in addition to lights and ornaments she had ribbons and feathers in her tree... every year she chooses a color and sometimes a theme and goes to Savers and shops for fun stuff...

    just wanted to post some ideas i've had as i've grown up and moved out of my mom's house where we always just used whatever we had... now we have nothing but a pre-lit tree and are starting from scratch...we're leaving it plain this year but eventually i'd like to have our own decorations too...

    ps... don't forget that there are probably lots of people out there that would be grateful for your decorations if you ever want to get new ones...

  2. pjmama Says:
    1165490002

    First butt munch beamer guy, and now this?? hehehe. "Tina's Birdies: the not so chirpy-like ones." We'll copyright it and BAM, we'll make so much money off the ads that your tree will make Martha's tree look like a tacky table centerpiece! By the way, I love your hodgepodge Smile

  3. princessperky Says:
    1165499430

    Nice tree...
    And I cry (literally) every year..we have a 2ft (litterally shorter than my one year old) fake tree that we use when we can't aford a real one..which is most of them..last year I saved and scrimped and talked my husband into buying one..he bought a 3 ft live tree..errrr

    anyway this year I have been working early on the kids to convice them to ask daddy for a tree 'as tall as GMC' which is shorter than I am used to from growing up, but beats the 2ft fake one.

    As for ornaments i never like martha style trees..I have a hodgepodge of ornaments that I remember getting, or that I remember putting on my tree as a kid..ones that mean quite a bit to me, I have a couple silly ones that the kids like too, all sorts of mixed up things, all different shades of red and green and blue, and black, and even yellow..a starwars space ship Smile I love looking at my tree knowing what all the ornaments mean, and remembering all sorts of good things...course the stack of ornaments left in the box for another year is a bit sad...but hey..we will get there.

  4. homebody Says:
    1165499736

    Tina, it's lovely. It's really hard to ruin a tree. Put a lighted tree in a room and turn out the lights.... it's beautiful.

  5. jriessel Says:
    1165502183

    Your post made me laugh.. I was thinking the same thing when I was putting up our tree - I would love to have a beautiful tree with everything coordintated, but I am not willing to spend the money on it either. With a 1 year old pulling off ornaments and breaking them every chance she gets it wouldn't be worth it anyway.

    Sigh...

  6. kashi Says:
    1165504100

    I read the title of the post and thought, good! I wouldn't want Martha in my home! Stick Out Tongue Perfection is only in the eye of the beholder. I think eclectic is more interesting, anyway.

  7. Broken Arrow Says:
    1165508702

    Hehe. Funny title. Tree looks nice to me!

  8. Gruntina Says:
    1165510076

    Every negative feeling or thoughts, always add 5 positive compliments and the whole outlook and mood changes. You have a beautiful tree. This year my bf and I are cellibrating our first christmas together. We got a fresh tree but it only has three ornaments, one strand of lights, and two strings of popcorn on it with no top. I still think its beautiful and its all we can afford this year. Its romantic at night with the lights off except for the tree lights.

  9. miclason Says:
    1165510080

    I like your tree!!...my tree is also filled with non-matching stuff...but almost every ornament means something/reminds me of someone...

  10. boomeyers Says:
    1165517828

    Martha who??
    Tina - I think your tree is beautiful. More to the point, it looks just like mine!! I love the angel hat at the top - what a great (martha tee hee) idea! I went to Dollar General and got a $5 "snowflake" to go on ours. Wish I would have seen your post first, as we have quite a few santa hats around the house!

  11. fairy74 Says:
    1165522502

    I think you tree is lovely! And the cartoon is funny!

  12. tinapbeana Says:
    1165523284

    thanks for the cheers, everyone! i know the tree is of cute in an 'ugly puppy' sort of way, which is why i posted it. i'm pleased, overall. the santa hat mades it's way onto the tree b/c it's just a tad too big for me. otherwise, i spend the holidays in my 'Angel' santa hat and a black tee shirt that says "Chillin' With My Peeps" (and yes, it has Easter peeps on it!).

    part of my dissatisfaction is b/c DH and i are DINKS and could (in theory) have the beautiful mondo tree if we were willing to fork over the bucks. i'm just not gonna do it! also, as DINKS, our ornaments are pretty much meaningless which for me takes a lot of the joy out of decorating the tree. forget having a story to tell about each one: i bought them all 4 years ago at wal-mart and target. woohoo...

    at any rate, i decided what's the point in having a month where i spent my time feeling inadequate, unprepared, and pretending to be festive. BAH! my tree will be cute in an ugly sort of way. you'll like the gift i give you or regift it: it's yours to choose. i'll make non-baked goodies, eat them if you like. and i'm taking a hint from my mom: as of 6p on Christmas Eve, i quit. if it's not done by then, it ain't gonna get done! Big Grin

  13. frugalmomof1 Says:
    1165523452

    I like your tree....I looks very a lot like mine. Smile I love the Santa Hat...My angel touches the ceiling. Although pretty, those 'Martha Stewart' trees lack character. If I want to see a tree like that I will go to a department store or look in a magazine. At home, I want my tree to be a reflection of my life and my family. I love my 2-year-old-7.5-foot-$25-on-clearance-prelit-tree decorated with ornaments that mean something to me...not bought just because they fit a certain theme or color scheme.

    p.s. those ornaments may be meaningless now, but if you still have them in 10 years I bet you will get all nostalgic and say "I remember buying those when I used to shop at Walmart." lol

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