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Dear Beemer Butt Munch:

November 27th, 2006 at 08:23 pm

Just because you're driving a Beemer doesn't mean you can ignore all traffic laws, not to mention common decency!

Today during my 20 minute lunch hour, I went to get a cuppa joe. I was happily sitting at a red-light in the right-most left turn lane listening to NPR, and you Mr. Beemer Butt Munch were on my right in the 'go straight' lane. There was traffic everywhere.

When our light changed, I and the car to my left both began making our left turns when you, MR. BEEMER BUTT MUNCH, gun your engine and make a swinging left turn in front of me from a NON-LEFT TURN LANE!!!

You are a lucky rat bastard that I know how to drive and do it well, otherwise me, you, and the car to my left would have all wound up on the news tonight. Bad news for you, Mr. Beemer Butt Munch, because the county sherrif, a state trooper, and a SLED agent are all loyal cigar store customers!

I know for a fact you saw me. I drive an 'Egg Yolk Yellow' Ford Focus, for cryin' out loud, how could you not see me?!??



Granted, I know this car does not scream "EFFECTIVE DRIVER" or "FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE", but beleive it or not that is WHY I DRIVE IT! I drive this car so my property taxes will be lower, my gas bill will be lower, and I can afford a $250 deductible and 100 grand in liability coverage in case I ever happen to run into a MR. BEEMER BUTT MUNCH such as yourself.

I admit, I was sorely tempted by you today, Butt Munch. I had a golden opportunity 5 feet from my front bumper. My car would have been totalled, but I have GAP insurance which would have paid off my loan in full. Your car would have been totalled, but me, the guy to my left, and the 50 other cars at that intersection (NOT TO MENTION THE FREAKIN' TRAFFIC CAMERAS) all would have stated it was your fault.

I could have made your life miserable today, Mr. Beemer Butt Munch, and I chose not to. Next time, why don't you try and do the same?

7 Responses to “Dear Beemer Butt Munch:”

  1. kimiko Says:

    There are so many crazy nuts out there who do not value their lives nor the lives of other drivers on the road. I'm glad to hear nothing happened. A little frustration is alway better than the consequences of a car crash. I usually console myself with mental image of their car burning/exploding after crashing into some stationary obstacles.

  2. LuckyRobin Says:

    Umm...Bad day? Doesn't seem to cover it. Glad you are okay.

    My worst traffic day was when a driver from a country to the north that shall remain anonymous turned into the mall from the left hand turn lane. Now, he had to turn right and go across three lanes of traffic to do that. Yes, from the left hand turn lane! Now I'm not saying all drivers from the neighboring country to the north drive like crazy people, they seem fine when I am driving in their country, maybe they go a little nuts here and we get just as many from 2 states to the south that pull similar things (sorry, CA but it is illegal to make U-turns in WA, I know you can do it there but you can't here and even if you could it also wouldn't be across five lanes of traffic). It does seem to happen with these drivers a lot though. 9 times out of 10 its not a WA driver. In fact, all the really bad incidents have been by the mall. Hmm...maybe it isn't CA and B.C. and ALB drivers that are the problem. Maybe its the mall shoppers. Does trying to get to the mall just make everyone crazy?

  3. baselle Says:

    God I feel for you. As a pedestrian, I've had even worse scares. But my favorite way of getting back at evil cars is the simplest. Just hold a key out and let it "touch" the precious bumper and all along the side. Of course you have to have the nerve to do it.

    And when I had my 1980 to-the-moon-and-back-mileage Volvo tank, my favorite thing to do was to drive it correctly and knowing when I had the right of way. Forcing a beemer to back up and get out of the intersection: priceless. Smile

  4. kealina Says:

    haha... your writing cracked me up... good job avoiding even more trouble and frustration... hope the rest of your week goes much, much better..

  5. Broken Arrow Says:

    Hehe. You do have a way with words. Stick Out Tongue

  6. fairy74 Says:

    I'm not sure where you live, but I'm pretty sure this is the twin of the attorney who works across the alley from me, ooh my god did I laugh hard!

  7. carol Says:

    LOL!! Hope today is better, and darn I sure wish you had some way of making sure Beemer Butt Munch could see this!

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