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Growing (shrinking?) Pains

October 26th, 2006 at 04:21 pm

I don't know if these would be considered growing pains (since they are due to intellectual and financial growth) or shrinking pains (since the available disposable income is shrinking). Who knows, makes my head hurt!

Either way, I've made some excellant (cue Mr. Burns!) progress regarding sticking to my financial guns. Well, at least where I'm concerned (more on that later). All the bills are scheduled and covered to come out of my two paychecks, as are my allowance, the weekly grocery money, and 300/month for taxes, insurance, holidays. No problems here, it's all smooth as silk.

Since DH and each get an allowance, I had intended to take the extra 1100 per month and stash it in savings till the end of the year, then use it each month to aggressively pay down debt starting in January. This is a good and sound theory, but DH is not particularly happy with us not having as much disposable income as we did pre-budget.

Yes, I know that saving disposable income is the goal of a budget. I also know that between the two of us, we get enough allowance to more than cover entertainment expenses. Regardless, DH isn't buying into the current budget, which is making life unfortunate, making him grumpy, and making me feel like the bad guy.

So, here are my thoughts. See, the $1100 extra each month comes in as $550 every 2 weeks. My revised strategy is to auto-transfer $200 per week from RLC (real life checking) to the online savings at 5.25%. This will leave $300 per month, $75 per week, of cushion while still stashing $800 per month.

Adding the $75 cushion to the $100 grocery budget gives us $175 per week for groceries, random household necessities, and all the other things that have DH feeling deprived. I know it's way more than necessary, but it's not so much that I'm breaking the bank. Plus, if it gets DH to buy into the budget and not want to dip into savings, it'll be money well spent.

So, what do you think? If my spendy DH knows that as a household we have $175 on Friday and that is it until the next week, could that be enough to keep him content and out of the savings? Or, am I just rolling over and being a schmuck because of my

Text is Frugal Failing with telling DH no and Link is http://tinapbeana.savingadvice.com/2006/10/19/frugal-failing-2-just-say-no_15936/
Frugal Failing with telling DH no?

8 Responses to “Growing (shrinking?) Pains”

  1. LuxLiving Says:
    1161877014

    I think that's an excellent plan. I'm assuming that you mean you upped the grocery budget by 75 but may not always spend that much AND if you don't then you can then move that money on to savings or debt reduction? And he'll still get his chips and beer for poker night or whatever and can thus buy into the plan??

    I am wondering at one of your comments - maybe you can explain. That is that you are 'saving to later pay down on debt' after January. Is there a reason why you aren't taking the money you have now and paying it down. Wouldn't the interest charged come off that much faster if you paid now instead of later?

  2. tinapbeana Says:
    1161877539

    i'm waiting till january b/c the money i can save between now and then will cover property taxes for house & car, plus christmas (december is going to be expensive!). after that's all paid, the remaining balance will become a beginning EF. i myself am OK with only a couple hundred EF, but DH finally spoke up and said he wanted a month or two worth of expenses in an EF. granted, in the next breath he said having a bigger EF meant more liquid money in case he found a motorcycle he wanted (ARGH, he didn't even talk about paying the EF back!), but I still want to try to respect his feelings regarding the EF in general (i.e. 2 months funds).

    after january, i will be taking the bulk of our monthly surplus and applying it towards debt while adding little bits to the EF.

  3. LuxLiving Says:
    1161878386

    I see now!

    Good planning.

    Maybe the way we do it or your own variation would help him see better - it's more bookwork, but it helps ME in the same way it might help your husband.

    I have all those little subaccounts - some at ING and some at Emigrant for the Property Tax, Car Insurance, Car Tags, License Renewals, Appliance Replace/Repair, Furniture Replace/Repair, etc, etc., etc. I have a BUNCH of little subaccounts. Namely because if I see the big ol' honking number in E.F. or checking I think I have money to spend and all thoughts of ever having to replace a refrigerator go flying from my lil' beaner head!

    Maybe he'd like to see a line item for his future motorcycle in the budget?

    And maybe it wouldn't be too schmuckly for you to have a 'lil somethang' you are budgeting for as well.

    And a third line item be the E.F. which is sacroscant! And an agreement made that ANY moneys out for something besides a bonafide emergency is a loan w/payments to be made to return it to it's 2 month status!

    I dunno - YMMV, just some thoughts.

  4. JanH Says:
    1161879125

    I was thinking the same thing! If you have an account for his motorcycle, then he might not complain about the EF money and not eyeball it for the future purchase. Hubby asked me to set up a fence account since replacing it is foremost in his mind. So I split up the money I want to put on debt and put some in the account or he will eventually charge it or something. I also set up a line in the budget for his "vices" so he knows he has that much to spend on them. We negotiated the amount. He's seems comfortable with that. Good Luck!

  5. tinapbeana Says:
    1161881854

    well, i am happy to try the line item idea. i don't have separate accounts for everything, but the freeware i use for budgeting let's me have the appearance of separate accounts, which works basically the same.

    my problems, though, are two-fold. One is that DH is an instant gratification kind of guy, something which i am trying to slowly wean him from. even saving $100 a month will take 5 years to save up for the 6k bike he wants, and for him seeing close to that same amt in the EF is super-tempting. he has flat out said he would rather put down what we can and finance the rest.... Second problem: his list of wants is long: motorcycle, jet ski, bass guitar, and a couple of more i can't think of off the top of my head. once i set up a line item for one thing, i'm worried he'll ask for a line item for each and that'll basically eat all the surplus we have each month. basically 'give them an inch they'll take a mile' sort of thing.

    my biggest frustration: i don't have anything i want to save for other than a vacation to argentina, and that's not just a me thing that's a we thing. the house would also like a dishwasher, but again not a me thing.

  6. Thrifty Ray Says:
    1161885556

    I have a feeling your 'me' thing is financial security. I also have a tough time coming up with specific me things...just because there arent any material things that I want badly enough to pull from the savings.

    Your plan sounds like a good one. Keep trying to get DH on the same page, and in the meantime, dont limit his line items, just the amount he gets to divide between them all. Then he can prioritize and divie as he wants.

    Best of luck to you!

  7. LuckyRobin Says:
    1161893817

    Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry right now over what you are going through. I see so many cracks in your relationship that it makes me really fear for your future. You are not being treated fairly at all. Your last several posts just sound so...sad. Why do I say this? Because it sounds like you do all the compromising, all the time. What is your DH going to compromise on? A motorcycle is not an emergency no matter how you look at it so should not be connected in any way to the EF and that should be made clear to DH. He also needs to learn delayed gratification and to put other things before himself and his wants or the two of you will never survive having kids when their needs always come first the first couple years.

    You already said he almost cheated on you last year because you were tired all the time from doing everything yourself. Talk about having to have it all now. Wife is too tired, let's start shopping around for someone who isn't because his needs aren't being met? No way. That is not how marriage works. Or not a good one. He must learn to change his behavior. Not all of his behavior, just the devastatingly selfish part. Has he started helping you out around the house yet? Or is he still waiting for his slippers?

    I'm sorry. That sounds kind of snotty. I don't mean for it to be. I just would not be able to put up with that kind of behavior, it would drive me out of my gourd. You seem like a bright, funny, strong woman and you deserve to have him put your needs first sometimes. Your need is to be out of debt and to have a good EF and to feel secure. From what you have written over the past month, he totally takes advantage of you. He wants his toys and he want them RIGHT NOW and he wants his wife to be his cook and his maid and bring in an income. Again, where does he compromise? You deserve him to compromise, too.

  8. LuxLiving Says:
    1161955227

    Tinap & Lucky Robin - I had some of the same thoughts. I don't know how old you guys are Tina- but it appears that there may need be some SERIOUS growing up to do on HIS part. He's surely a loverly fellow or tinap wouldn't of hitched her wagon to his star but growing up won't happen over night and tinap - you may have to play the heavy for a bit. Just channel Granny Clampett with her broom to the chest when one of hers needed a bit of backing up as in literally backing them up with the broom to the pectoral area.

    There are times for you to be the strong woman you are - right out there in public for him to see. No, he won't like it. But don't schmuckerize yourself in order to apease someone who 'might' do something such as cheat. Yes, he might. But those are his choices. Wrong ones, but if he's going to put you into emotional blackmail all the time you do have bigger probs than just finances.

    Refuse to play that game and call a cheat a cheat right to his face and looking him square in the eyeballs long and hard. Pick whomever he thinks the most of and ask him how he'd like to discuss his threats/thoughts of philandering with them right in front of Godn'everybody. Make him back up that step or two and wonder if you aren't just quite a bit more woman than he bargained for and wouldn't he rather you be on his side and by his side rather than facing off with you?

    I dunno. This is something that you need to face now and decide if you are gonna wimp over it or be proactive and march together down the garden path or if you're willing to ALWAYS take a back seat because he 'might' do the dirty deed.

    My brother played this kind of emotional blackmail on my entire family for years because no one wanted him to leave and never come back - until one day I just faced that sucker down and told him how the cow ate the cabbage and if he didn't like it he could go suck eggs somewhere else down the road because no one gave a good '**' anymore - {** curse against God that I don't ever do! Know what? He simmered himself right down and started treating folks a lot more decent and me with kid gloves. I had had enough of his crapola and told him so in not only words but in deeds when I tossed his bunk n' junk to the curb literally!

    Tinap I think you have some deciding to do that may have long term consequences. No one is worth not being yourself around!! These things are important to YOU and YOU are important in the marriage and he needs to understand that. You are attempting to understand his needs and meet them. Time for him to pony up and do likewise.

    Go look at yourself in the mirror and practice that wide-eyed crazy woman look - you may need it. Time to stiffen that backbone and take your rightful place as partner NOT appeaser.

    Let him know that you guys can do all the things ya'll BOTH want to do - you just can't do them all at the same time.

    Let him know that you're willing to work hard to get him what he wants in life - all the toys, bells and whistles attached. BUT, that you require your needs to be met as well and that you FULLY INTEND for him to work just as hard for your wants and needs to be met as well! And for him to be prepared for you to call him on it when he doesn't.

    It's a team.

    Ya'll need to get your playbook together and both head for the same goal-line! Look how far you've come so far - house purchased and plans to remodel. You're doing some of your dreams now - the others are around the corner - but it takes a process of time to get all the goodies. It isn't an all or nothing kind of deal.

    I've come to appreciate you Tinap in the short time you've been here for the pleasant, smart, savvy and energized young lady that you are - it shines from your posts. Please take my advice w/a grain of salt - I don't know either one of you personally, but I have been around a number of years and have a bit of living under my belt. Hope all is well for you and your husband both. I'm on his side as well. BUT, only you can decide for yourself what your situations call for. Praying for only good things for the both of you.

    ~~LLFrugalis

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